Don't read unless you want to read the complaints of a crazy pregnant woman in need of a nap.
You were warned.
3rd born daughter (side note, how does that sound for a name? Because I simply cannot decide) I want you to know I love you, I still love you if you are screaming your head off while I wipe faces and butts and cook dinner (ill wash my hands between doing the two) I love you if you get carted around places in your first few weeks of life that I never would have done with the other two, I love you even if you feel that you are at the bottom of the totem pole its not true. I might possibly love you the most for the
perseverance you will have perfected in me if not by the end of this pregnancy with you then through the process of simply having 3 children. I hope that you never have to read this for confirmation and simply know you are loved by what we say and do each day.
There, with all of that said I feel it is safe to say
AUUUUGGGGGHHH I'm so tired of being pregnant and I feel like its just beginning! Fact is that its more than half over. Fact is that I have only 16 weeks left and if I follow my previous fashion
that's only about 12-13 weeks which seems like a short amount of time until I think about the fact that I wanted to throw myself out the second story window at 24weeks pregnant ;o) Just kidding,
I'm only mentioning it now because I know you friends can relate... and I am thinking about red flagging this post and
titling it **Warning, read this before you think baby #4 is a good idea***
It is a humbling
experience pregnancy is. I feel old & out of shape and I am not going to lie to myself and the rest of the world this time around,
I'm in pain. I remember towards the last few weeks last pregnancy telling my sister-in-law that I
couldn't watch her rather weighty baby because I just
couldn't cart him around. I felt really guilty telling her that since I was Living In Her House!!! And I did watch him if he was napping or in bed for the night, and a few other times. However it was a painful
awkward experience trying to carry the large child around with my large belly. I ignored the fact that I couldn't sleep past 4am in bed I had to move to the couch.
I am waving the white flag at 24 weeks though. I am saying "ouch". My pelvis hurts and my belly is
awkward and if I eat pizza or
chipotle too late in the evening I can not sleep. If I wake up in the middle of the night I can't go back to sleep and I pass out when holding patients for an epidural in the OR at work. My body is already unrecognizable and only going to get worse!
I'm scared because I realized that I wont have my body to myself for another year minimum as I
don't feel normal until I am through nursing a baby. I am scared of the evil zombie mommy I might become, I am scared for my poor husband who just does a wonderful job simply surviving along side of me. I am scared to leave the house with 3 children and I am scared that Mia will kill or maim her in some way. I am afraid that Mia will finally get away from me for good while I am being preoccupied by the other two (Lord let her outgrow the running away stage before then!!!)
I know the truth, I know that I will fall into stride with this one just like I did, or better, than with Mia. I know that my body is a temple for the Holy Spirit and its serving its purpose. I know that I will not be as crazy as the scenarios that I can drum up in my mind at 2am.
And on a happy note I get to be pregnant. I get to feel her inside of me (crazy still the 3rd time around!) Lord willing I will get to deliver her and have her as a member of our home and considering the diversity of personality and looks that we already have I can't wait to find out how she will fit in...
I am just praying she fits in smoothly.