On our own

Oh iPad, Whats a story without pictures?? :( I am sure there's a way to get some on here right? Anyway... Tonight joe went back to work. We have survived! Mia didn't take a nap & was a a big grump. I had a girlfriend stop by and bring dinner, which the girls actually ate! They are not picky eaters, it's just hard to get them to eat at all. She hung out for about an hour, which ended up being helpful when Carly spit up her entire meal all over herself and her swing to the point that it ran down and out of the seat requiring me to give her a bath and wash a load of laundry! And when I came back down they were all playing hide & seek. After that we actually made it outside to play for a bit before baths and bedtime! I was pretty proud of myself for choosing to turn the tv off! I did feel bad that I had to tell annie that we couldn't take a walk, and I had to stop pushing them on the swing because my incisions started to hurt. :( Now as I lay here in bed I am struck with an odd feeling of newness and change as I have a little companion here with me while I wait for joe to get home from his late shift. I decided I liked it, until I put her in her basinett and stretched out to lay down and put my foot in a wet spot of baby spit up that I didn't realize she left for me about 45 min earlier...

Recovery

Recovering from a C-Section is different from anything I have ever done before. My only surgical history is my wisdom teeth and that was about 1 day of sleeping off general anesthesia and pain meds and then a few days of ice cream and jello. Who can't handle that?

Recovering from my vag deliveries had their rough spots (anyone else hear the funeral march as they head to use the bathroom for the first few days?) but mostly its about a week of laying around, staring at a new baby and having some annoying throbbing. For me anyway, I do realize there are many, many different things that we as women deal with when recovering from having a baby. But recovering from having your core cut open just kind of stinks.

So where as the first week of my recovery I was a mess of tears quite frequently, now looking back on it I would say it was 95% hormones and 5% I hurt thanks to pain meds tha is.

That week, had I been able to sit up in the computer chair, I would have been on here writing a 45page sob story on having to suffer through a cesarean section Ohhh Woaaa is meee. And that would have been fun for us all to see & remember how Kate acts while on Percocet (For the record I act more sane that Kara does).

I am able to say it now. "Thank goodness for CSections". But I didn't believe it a week ago.

In all honesty I was sooo excited to not be pregnant so I could lay on my belly and roll over in bed and bend down to pick something up off the floor. So having to spend 2 extra weeks after delivery still unable to do those things and also unable to sit up without levers and pulleys it really put a whammy on my emotions!

Joe immediatly called in to work after my surgery and took off 2 weeks, which because of his schedule, is actually 2 1/2 weeks!!! He is still all ours until friday. 
Now is when I switch into my "All Hail King Joe, Ruler of the Husband and Fathers" mode. He has been more than I ever could have imagined. I keep joking that I never knew that if I stopped cleaning he would start, but in all honesty from the moment we walked in the door from the hospital he has been not only doing everything, but proactively doing everything. He would get up with the girls in the morning and let me sleep, he has fed them, bathed them (he even lotioned them up), clothed them, entertained, disciplined, he has cleaned the house, vacuumed, done countless loads of dishes and laundry and he does it 24/7. It was all very difficult for me to sit back and watch. I felt bad for him most of the day listening to him break up their fights and clean up dinner and entertain them all at the same time and then turn around and do it some more. And I realized that even though he is their father, and a very active one at that, I was sitting on the couch watching someone else do my job and it appeared to be very daunting a good portion of the day! I do most of my job with joy. I like being a stay at home mom. I don't mind my daily chores and finding fun ways to entertain the girls. I like taking them on outings and having playdates. But for someone else to do it and me just lounge somewhat uncomfortably and watch has been difficult. He has been taking care of me too, reminding me to take it easy and take my medicine and bringing me things and carrying everything around while I just walk alongside. Sunday he was carrying 2 big bags, and 2 babies out of church as I just slowly followed after him and I could see his cape flapping in the wind like super husband!
He even took the girls out shopping and hung swings in the big oak tree in the backyard and made a fun jungle gym into a really cool waterslide (that will be a blog post to come).

His only complaint has been that at the end of the day as he falls exhausted into bed he kisses Carly on the head and says "oh yeah, I have another kid, I forgot about you" and we all fall asleep at 8pm while the sun is still shining brightly outside ;o)

I am down to only taking Motrin twice a day. The incision isn't so bad so far, I scar like none other so I am anxious to see what it ends up looking like. The pain is mostly internal. I am guessing my intenal incision is what is still hurting. I also have a weird rash from the sterile drape that is itchy on my abdomen and the weirdest part of all is that the skin on my lower abdomen is sensitive to touch. It hurts to have a waist band across my stomach so I have been wearing dresses (and Joe asked his mom to get me some night gowns which he calls me "mother" when I wear them and told me I couldn't wear them anymore after my recovery was over, which I greatly respect because there are more pleats on those things than I have ever seen in my life) but when the dresses brush up against my lower abdomen it feels all prickly like needles. Weird huh?
I wanted to write a little more and add some cute pictures, but our computer crashed and I just can't get the hang of typing on Kelly's borrowed iPad! So I'll sign off for now before I mess something up and end up deleting this whole thing.

Carly Jayne Zuerner

Goodness I can feel the nauseating length of this post before I even begin... however the story has to be told, every. last. detail. must be recorded for my future reading pleasure.

Ill start at the very beginning (its a very good place to start)

Saturday I decided that Wednesday the 6th would be a good day to have this baby. Joes big final presentation would be done tuesday morning, and although he still had a few finals to take they weren't a big deal. I informed my mother and Joes mom, jokingly of course, that if it worked for them I would like to have a baby on wednesday ;o)

I rode home early saturday night from Joe's cousins wedding in Lexington (which I got the all clear from the doc to attend being barely 2cm dilated) with his stepdad whom I had previously teased about having to deliver my baby in the truck on the interstate. It was then that I started contracting. Not painful, but noticeable enough to laugh to myself about it. About 6 contractions in the 1.5 hour car ride. No big deal. Slept fine.

Sunday morning, in church, contracting frequently enough to time them, sure enough, every 4-6 min. Not painful, just enough to say I have no idea what the sermon was about. I contracted all day at that pace and had NO desire to rest or nap. Joe and I did yard work all afternoon. I informed the women in my family that evening that I had been contracting all day.

Monday, I worked 12 hours, answering 45 texts from the women in my family who had been told of previous days contractions that no they were not painful and mostly were even lighter than they had been the day before.

Tuesday, felt great, Joe gave presentation, we took an evening walk, went to watch him play softball which ended up being delayed and we stayed till 10:00 to cheer him on. Seriously folks, you have never heard a 3 year old cheer for old man softball like mine did that night.
With still plenty of energy went to bed at 11 with a good book and immediately started contracting a very different type of contraction, not painful, but the kind I knew would get painful. Lower abdomen, like a rainbow shape coming and going every 2-5 min. I read, and joe came home, and I read, and I laid, and waited, and he tossed and turned in his sleep and I laid, and waited. They still weren't painful but I knew they were the right kind so I didn't want to get up I thought I should rest and wait. By 4am I was bored so I decided to go downstairs... where they immediately stopped :o( Completely, not a contraction to be had.

Wed morning Joe went to class and I was cranky! "it is Wednesday, Im supposed to have a baby today!" I called my mom and whined to her about my night and how "pissed" I was, and mama don't allow the word pissed to be thrown around so I wanted her to know I was serious! :o)
She commiserated and told me to call her if I needed her.
I decided I couldn't take my disappointment out on the girls so we needed to have a purposeful morning. We went for a turtle pace Mia pace walk to the park and I had some (2 or 3) nice strong unpainful contractions, we came home and cleaned the basement, and then I sat on the ball while they rode bikes and I had some more strong unpainful contractions, and then we made lunch and the strong contractions got painful!!!

Joe was done with class but working on a final project at school, Joe's mom was at home, and it was nap time. So I decided to call Joe and tell him I was contracting, thought it was labor but wasnt sure, just wanted to know how much longer he would be. He was conveniently done with his project and raced home. Joe's mom was out but could come within the hour to get the girls. I told her I wasnt sure if it was real, but if they could nap at her house then if it was nothing we would just come get them after naptime.
I was by this time contracting every 2-3 min and pacing, my sign that its labor, so I called the Dr's office just to check in. They wanted me to come into the office to be checked because at 36weeks they just don't believe you even if you are an L&D nurse.
I also called my best nurse Allie to inform her on her day off that I was in labor and she agreed to come when they admitted me and since the new computer system went live this week and things are so flingin flangin mad at the hospital they were happy for a patient to show up with her own private nurse :o)

By the time Joe got home I was pacing so hard I was practically running in circles and haphazardly adding a few more things to be put in the overnight bag. Joe asked me if I thought I should take a bag with me and I pointed out a pile of stuff ready to go! That is when he knew it was go time :o) He then switched into labor mode and called his mom demanding "where are you!" and strapping the car seat in the car.

The girls were previously playing very quietly until Joe got home with their bribery of fruit snacks now Annie was following me all around the house at this point asking me questions. I told her she was going to grams to take a nap which was nothing new they do that sometimes, she wanted to know if her daddy was going with her. I told her that no daddy was going to take me to the Dr to see if it was time to get the baby out and all she said was "Really!?! Yay" No questions asked.

My least favorite doctor made me wait, perched on the exam table, contracting every 2 min, breathing through them, but still laughing and having a good time. Still trying to get ahold of my mom who was out to lunch and not answering her phone. "call her if I need anything" she said! :o)
I was finally checked 3-4cm, bulging bag, but he couldnt feel a presenting part meaning couldn't feel the head.
"Why dont we swing around the corner and do and ultrasound to check for lie" he says, no big deal.
But when he placed that probe on and all we saw was a big pocket of fluid I knew it was bad. He is Worlds Worst Ultrasound dooer, amongst worlds worst many other things so I was a little miffed when he had to squirt gel all over my abdomen and proceeded to look and look and look for the head... he found it, below my right rib cage!!!!!!!!! AUGHHHHHHHHH Transverse, She was Transverse!!!!!!!!!! How did she get transverse!?!?!!

I immediately burst into tears and was sent over to L&D (my dr's office is attached to the hospital) I met a favorite doc on the elevator and cried on her shoulder. I saw my friends in triage while registering and sobbed at them over the desk. I was greeted at L&D by my friends and sobbed on their shoulders as well.

Here is where my job is my blessing and my curse.
Curse: 1.The MD on call is C/section happy and would have to be seriously convinced to try to do a Version which means try to move her head down by pushing really hard on my belly.
2. I was already in labor and trying to push on a belly that is contracting every 2 min is on the impossible side.
3. Babies don't like to have someone pushing on them and often drop their heart rate needing an emergent C/S. 4. Emergent C/Sections are not fun for anyone especially the patient, the baby and the nurse trying to do all of this with a new computer system.

Blessings: 1. My friends upon hearing the news of needing to be verted immediately went to bat for me with the Doc. They Begged her to try to turn her and for that I will be eternally grateful because I was in no mood or position to do it by the time I saw her.
2. I knew that a transverse lie was a better bet than breech to try to get her to move.
3. I had my best friend Allie there to be with me.
4. The doc was waaaaay more obliging to me than she ever would be with a non nurse patient for which I am very thankful and also very annoyed by for other women of cincinnati.

They were slammed at work and I got the only available room which doubles as a labor room and recovery room. I didn't care, there was no one else in there and it is still a very nice room.
Allie arrived as Judy and Monica were admitting me and I was ready for an epidural. See its about this epidural. I was unofficially going to attempt a natural delivery this time. I HATE getting the epi, however I didn't want to have a version without it and if I needed a CSection I would have one anyway. So I cried and cussed through the epi and then when it was ready and I was shaking like a leaf Dr Gardner came in and did another ultrasound. Now she was pretty much breech at this point. Butt on my left pelvic bone and head crammed waaaay up under my right rib and the doc explained the pros and cons of turning her to Joe. A wonderful lovely favorite resident friend of mine came in to assist and she tried. I believe she truly did give it her best shot, but twice after moving her a little bit she just swung right back into her snuggly old head under the ribs position and stayed put.
And I burst into tears! Again.

I couldn't stop, and I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't open my eyes, I just laid there, practically flat on my back while they dosed my epi for surgery and Dr Gardner explained everything to Joe. I was so sad. I dreamed about this day for 9 months. I have done this 2 other times, I never even thought that I could possibly ever need a c/section for any reason. I was SO disappointed. Joe was wonderful, he just sat by my side, taking it all in totally torn apart for me. And when I was simply loosing it he got in my face and told me that it was no big deal, we were both healthy and it had to be done... he was right of course, and I could have told you that he would have said that. I lamented to him about missing out on my labor experience and that was that.

I wasn't scared, but my opinion of having a section was not a good one based on all the women I have taken care of. I have never actually polled them afterwards so all I know is from their comments and our interactions. When you have a csection you feel anxious enough to need Versed, you are numb as ill get out, you are flat on an OR table with a drape at your nose and you get nauseous and even more anxious, needing more medicine and then afterwards you are drugged or in pain and so numb you feel like you might just drop your baby.

However these things were not true for me. When I realized laying on the OR table that I had just hours before consumed a large lunch of quinoa stir fry I was very scared I would see it again. I had the new Anesthetist Angie, that I have actually never worked with and she was SO Wonderful! I never got sick, I never got anxious, I never had any pain, never even felt the pressure of them pushing her out! Afterwards I felt really tense across my shoulders and after 10 min Angie convinced me to get some med that completely took care of it and I felt fine! I did feel like a lump of mashed potatoes, but that was it!

Dr Gardner is notorious for her extremely fast c/sections and so I was grateful to only be in the OR for about 20 min. She even sutured my skin for me because I hate, hate, hate staples for no good reason at all they just freak me out :o)

Another blessing is that my epidural started working. It was extremely light and one sided for a long time and just when they thought they were going to have to redo it, the c/section dose started to work and ended up working perfectly!!!! I would have needed Versed if they had to redo my epi!

I did feel the huge rush of relief of getting her out of my rib cage just as I wondered for the last few months if I would. I remember Allie saying she looked like Mia, and other than that it was done in no time!

They wheeled us into the recovery room and we invited Mom, Dad and Gerri in. Not long after Kelly & Kris were there and good old Gramps brought Annie and Mia to see their new sister which is a big deal in and of itself. Gramps does not drive the minivan let alone haul kids around in it! My poor wonderful biggest sister was in a fog of kidney trouble but showed up faithful the very next day to snug on the new baby.

We had no idea what her name was going to be and it was driving me crazy! I didn't think it was right to have a child in my arms with no name, it was creeping me out! We had tossed around the name Tess quite a lot for the last few months until Joe ruined it by calling her "Testicle"! We have also liked the name Grace for a long time but couldn't come up with a middle name. Carly was a name that Joe liked when I was preg with Mia and I always felt like it was right for this baby, however the middle name was still holding us up. Joe liked Alli but I wasn't sold and I liked Alice but Joe wasnt sold. I had suggested Jayne as a middle name earlier in the day so as we threw all of these names around in the recovery room for everyone to try out. Joe finally just mentioned Carly Jayne and I loved it! Annie calls her "Carly James" and I do plan on letting that ride as long as possible. Mia mumbles "Tarly Jeeene" and mostly calls her "baby". Annie told me"I didn't know our baby was going to be called Carly James, but I like Carly and I like James and so Carly James is her name and I just like it" :o)

The recovery has been one big crazy emotional ride. That story is to be continued...

"Its a New Dawn, Its a New Day, Its a New Life, For me"

"And Im Feelin' Good"

So Im not sure if its the Tylenol PM's I have been poppin regularly at bed time since last week or if I have hit the pre-delivery high, but I am feeling good! I swear, ever since thursday I have had so much energy. I have lost the need to nap, the desire is even gone most days. I have been nesting, nesting, nesting, and going, going, going. Coming up with things to do and people to see and since Saturday night this has all been accompanied by fairly regular (every 6-10min) not painful whatsoever contractions.

So we will just have to wait and see how this goes.

In the mean time here are a few of Amelias latest:

Mia for months now has been saying randomly throughout the day "shoo lee la Bell". We have no idea what this means however she finds herself amused when she declares it. However we have finally cracked the code and it feels like a language breakthrough! You see Annie thinks that in the Marry Poppins song with Jane and Michael singing their advertisement that they say "put toots in your bed" instead of "toads in your bed". Therefore she declares "toots in your bed" whenever she passes gas... well evidently in Mia language "shoo lee la bell" is toots in your bed, because last week she was in bed with us and tooted and screamed it and laughed at herself. :o) And sure enough, now when the song plays she screams right along with Annie, Jane and Michael "Shoo lee la bell"!

She also says the word truck with an F which Joe hates, yet she says sit with an SH and he thinks that is hilarious... fathers, who gets 'em?

Ill have some good pictures for you tomorrow because Annie and I did a pretty cute craft today and I need to take some pictures of her with them to share with you all.