More Silly Sadness...Sorry

I will apologise in advance to those of you who admitted to me that my last post made you sad. I didn't mean to make you all sad, but I use this blog when I have a feeling that I dont want to forget and so you got a sad one and for making you sad I am sorry.
However this one is not overly cheery, its just more silly sadness, you can laugh at me really I laugh at myeslf through the silly tears.
I dont know what this post is for me other than an emotional outlet! I would dump it on my husband instead of you all but I have to get it all out and to be quite honest he never came home (we are staying at his moms) last night because his crazy "rear end" is still working at the old house!!! I think I see into my future and it looks like Krissys past, her husband did the same thing for weeks when they were moving into their new home I dont get it! I understand wanting to be done with a task, I even understand needing to get something done, but for heavens sake ask for some help instead of doing it by yourself and it taking you literally all night long!!!!! Can you tell how I feel about that subject? :o) I just have to smile through the tears of frustration and thank the Lord above for giving me a hard working husband instead of a bum :o)

I have officially decided that pregnancy emotions have taken over my body. I am a sentimental person and so that is not helping the matter at all! I just keep finding things to be sad about and its driving me crazy!
I am of course sad about moving and the reasons have been
1. "My Kitchen"
2. "Its me and Annies house"
3. My pretty Hydrangea bushes
No Lie! Not sad about leaving our love nest or that its home, just thinking of all the money I have put into it and all the Annie memories I have (*tear*) My poor husband! Good thing we are both too busy for him to have experienced each and every tear :o)
But its not just moving that has made me tear up lately. I have cried at silly things like blog posts and having to farm my child out 3 days in a row which made me realize that I am overly emotional. But darn it I miss my baby and now she has been gone for her final 3 days at her first house! Pardon me while I cry....

On a happy note I will share this fun Annie time with you. Annie has learned where the baby is! I have to say I didn't think that she would get it. Of course staying in theme with this post it made me sad the way she "got it" I had to ask her "where's Mamma's baby?" so as to differentiate between the one in my belly and her baby dolls, which made me sad because I have always called her "Mamma's baby" and she will always be mamma's baby it will just change to mamma's babies!!! ANYWAY.... She smiles, points to my belly, lifts my shirt, rubs my belly and says awww baby, then she pulls my shirt back down and says "bye bye baby" Hmmm I hope she doesn't think it will always be that easy to get rid of her :o)

Sadness

Today I have decided to quit trying to find something to make for dinner in this house full of staples but nothing to go with them. I have been eating odd concoctions for lunch in the name of cleaning out the pantry and I just don't feel like doing that any more! I am in a "nothing sounds good" mood again. This pregnancy has been FULL of that mood and its annoying at times, especially when you have an "I don't care what we have for dinner" kind of husband! I am usually the decision maker for his entire side of the family and I have had to relinquish that role in the past few months.

As I laid here on the couch resting while my baby took a nap and watching Julie and Julia I suddenly realized something that made me very sad. I will never cook an amazing meal in my wonderful kitchen ever again!!! It makes me tear up again as I sit here and type to you. I am grateful you are an understanding bunch of dear ones.

I pushed the thought out of my head as I tried to come up with something inexpensive that my husband and I could get for dinner and watching my (good so far) movie.

A while later Annie awoke from a nap and while she was sitting on the counter enjoying a snack of cantaloupe I was loading the dishwasher and I sadly started crying as the thought came creeping back into my mind! I LOVE my kitchen, it is one of the very best parts of this house. I love the brightness from the big windows and the color of the walls and the few decorations that I have in it. I love the shiny black appliances especially my double oven and gas stove that I worked so hard to pay for when we moved in. I love my island that the contractor said would not fit however we insisted and have never regretted it. I love the ridiculous amount of cabinet space that I have yet in 4 years to fill to capacity and the HUGE pantry that my husband built all my wonderful shelves in. I love the way it looks at night when it is all clean with the under cabinet lights that my husband surprised me by installing shining down on the counter tops that I picked out myself!

With that my thoughts turned to all that we have invested in this house just to make it "home" some necessary some just to make it "ours". The landscaping outside with the big flowerbeds and MY hydrangea bushes that have faithfully bloomed and grown amazingly year after year. The money that we have put into things that someone else will be enjoying and not even knowing what we went through to make it the beautiful home that they are adopting!

Right now my thoughts are consumed with all that needs to be updated in the new house that it has lost its exciting new appeal :o( I cant wait until we start painting and the new carpet gets installed! I am certain that a fresh coat of paint and the carpet not smelling like someone is trying to drown the smell of cat pee in a gross disgusting air freshener will make the house start to feel shiny and wonderful. I am trying to focus on the fact that I will not have to live in the city, I will have a yard to play in with my baby and be in a neighborhood that (Lord willing) my neighbors will not rob me blind or write nasty graffiti words on neighbors garages. Something tells me that I will not see the words "In da hood B****!" scrawled across anything in Cold Spring and the thought excites me to no end seeing as its a favorite saying of someone around here and has frequented many the walls in the neighborhood.

Don't get me wrong there are many wonderful things that I am looking forward to about the new house. However I enjoy making a house a home and this takes money of which will be allotted to very specific non-fun things like a new dryer :o(

So as I pack up every last possession in my home this weekend and proceed to live out of a suitcase for the next 3 weeks I would appreciate you thinking of me when you cook in your lovely kitchens and just enjoy it a little extra for me!

Slow

Yesterday Annie and I headed out to run a few errands. I had to exchange a summer outfit at Kohls the 12mo didn't fit we had to go back for the 6-9mo one! Ridiculous I know!

As we were out I realized that I have entered a new phase of my life and I can't decide if its timed right or not. I have slowed down, physically, due to my growing size of course but I just cant run upstairs real quick anymore! I have haven't chosen this slow down you see but when I reach the middle of the stairs and I am already slowing down, or when I get to the top and my heart is pounding in my chest I realize that I need to slow down, this isn't physically going to happen this fast! Joe just installed hand rails on our attic and basement stairs and I find myself using them every time to literally haul myself upwards! I ask you, Where were these handrails when I was pregnant with Annie? I think I would have appreciated them! :o)

Along with physically not being able to go fast it has also physically become harder to carry Annie around. So I have been letting her walk more, which she is LOVING! If anything forces you to slow down its walking at the pace of an 18month old who has legs the length of a 9month old :o) Don't get me wrong I dont cart her around all day. I mean letting her walk into the house from the car, into the store, things like that.

I am really enjoying her immensely right now. She is SO much fun! She is funny and fun to talk to and listen to her try to repeat things. She is getting to the stage where she will try to repeat what I ask her to. So its fun to slow down and take things at her pace and enjoy her especially when I know that our alone time together is coming to an end and darn it I am just enjoying having an extra excuse to walk slow!

However I think about the timing of this slowing down. I am supposed to be packing up my house! I am supposed to be doing something right now other than wander up the sidewalk at a snails pace looking at the rocks and bugs and neighbors and anything else other than going inside to have lunch and put the baby down for a nap so that I can do the serious packing ;o)

I am having guilt issues already about packing a box and sealing it just to leave it where it sits and move on to another because I can't lift the box I just packed. I can't help load them into the truck to take them to storage. I can pick out paint and carpet but I can't help put it on the walls or tear out the old! I can strip wallpaper but something tells me that when it comes time to do so I wont be earning any sort of metals for how fast I get it done :o)

So my personal task these days has been to get a little bit done every day. Make sure that when the time comes for Joe to work on something for the move that he has what he needs or Annie is taken care of. I am trying to save money so that we have it in the account when we need to make a new house purchase. And I am personally seeing to it that we dont buy any more food but instead eat everything possible before we move so that I dont have to pack up as much from the fridge, freezer and pantry! ;o) Today Annie and I shared for lunch a can of soup, and the last of the fish sticks ;o) You're jealous I know!

Thinking Inside the Box

I have succumbed to the fact that I can no longer just pack things up that we wont need until after the move! I was putting it off, the thought of living for the next however long with nothing but nails on the walls just depressed me! However I have officially packed everything I don't use/need on a daily basis. If I want to keep up with the packing I have to pack decorations because I cant go boxing up our underwear drawers!!!! Joe said that we will do all of that next weekend and live out of a suitcase until the following Tuesday! Yikes! That is only 9 days away and I am working 2 of those so that is only 7 packing days away! I actually think that I am in pretty good shape.

There are boxes lining the walls in the dining room ready to be taken to Joe's sisters for storage, and Joe had to move the dining room table yesterday so it is pushed up against the boxes. Annie keeps trying to walk around the table on the boxes side instead of the wide open side because that was always the side we walked around her whole life :o) She pushes through the chairs and boxes grunting and saying "toot, toot" because that is what I say when she is in my way "excuse me, toot, toot" so when we tell her to say excuse me she just says "toot, toot"

We ordered carpet last night at Home Depot which was exciting however I am already tired of spending money and we haven't even closed on the house yet! We have anticipated all of the expenditures that we can think we will need in this moving process but its still not fun to see such large sums being spent all at once. Remember I am not a spender, I am a hoarder :o)

Just an Update & 23wk Belly

I want to be more interesting than I have been lately but I seriously feel like my life is the same old cycle these days. I work, pack some boxes, play with my baby, and feel so very pregnant! This pregnancy is different than the last one in so many ways however none of them drastic or necessarily bad, just different. I remember last time thinking it was ironic how often I didn't feel pregnant. I remember waking up in the morning and being surprised by the belly that I had. This time I feel like no matter what I do I feel so ridiculously pregnant and awkward. I asked my Dr about feeling so crampy all the time and he said it was common in second pregnancies. To which I replied "so its because of my old tired saggy muscles?" He said he would have put it prettier but yes :o) I love my sweet Dr. he is the best.

Joe felt her kick last night and it was very fun! He has never been too interested in the baby while in utero and I think he is crazy! I always sit and wonder what position she is in and what body part I am feeling and want to feel her moving all the time!

I also found out at my last OB appointment that this little girl has the same thing Annie did a Choroid Plexus Cyst on her brain. These are very common and usually resolve on their own and we are not worried at all. Just excited to be able to get another formal scan and see our little girl at 32 weeks!

My 23 week belly

Stream of Consciousness

I have to apologise for this post, its just all the thoughts that are racing around in my head that I feel I could blog about if they were just a little more interesting :o)

I hate it when all the mail in the mailbox is addressed to "the resident at" or "Mable Trovillion"! Who wants the old dead owners junk mail? neither one is exciting At All!

I couldn't walk on the treadmill today for serious round ligament pain! So I had to do the elliptical and the stationary bike. For some reason I always feel like I get a better workout on the treadmill.

I went straight to the store today after I was done at the gym so that I could make dinner while Annie took her nap... only to realize when I got there that I had no wallet in the diaper bag and I had to go back home to get it! Good thing Kroger is only minutes from my house! Luckily I realized it before I even got Annie out of the car and didn't have a cart full of groceries!

I have avoided the deli counter at the new Kroger Marketplace like the plague since it opened many months ago. I truly believe they jacked the prices up on all the meat just to make the Boars Head meat look like its reasonably priced! I will admit, I have had boars head and it is Really good lunch meat, but I am NOT paying $9.00 for a lb of turkey!! So I waited in line behind ONE customer for forever today noticing that the slower than slow lady behind the counter kept getting their order wrong, and sure enough when she got to me she took my order for 1/2 lb of turkey and said "I will have to change my gloves first" as she stood there peeling her plastic gloves off and then turned around and looked for the box of gloves.... and looked...and looked, finally she dons her gloves and starts slicing turkey brings it over and its a whole lb and there is about 5 slices of turkey on there!!! I know I didn't specify how I wanted it cut but get real! I told her I only wanted half a lb and she simply took half away and gave me the rest... the other 3 slices.... whatever! I shouldn't be eating lunch meat anyway right?? HAHAHA

My house is SO messy and I haven't the energy to clean it!

Annie has been talking to people lately... people who aren't present! I will hear her in the other room or in the back seat saying "Hi-o, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, haha, uh hu, no, etc..." some times there is a name thrown in, usually Dora. I will give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that she is pretending to talk on the phone, but its really cute. Today she was in the back seat and I asked her who she was talking to and she said "papa" and proceeded to tell me about "dog-dog, mus-mick" and "mammie" as she laughed and laughed!!

I realized last night that I packed all of the good china away except those 10 pieces that are displayed behind the glass of the china cabinet!! Oops!

I spent yesterday at my mother in laws house doing laundry ALL DAY LONG! Its amazing how ridiculously long it takes to do your laundry when you can't do it at home while you do other things. Maybe I shouldn't wait 2 weeks to do laundry next time, so that I don't have 7 loads jammed in my car!

While the laundry was going yesterday Gerri and I took a walk with Annie and Brady up to our potential new house to peek at what is coming up in the flower beds! The walk was very do-able, nice even sidewalks the whole way, which is more than can be said for any sidewalk in Bellevue, I have yet to calculate it but I don't think that it is even a mile away! There was lots of exciting potential in the flower beds as well as lots of things that will need to be weeded through and thinned out. All in all I am excited about spring in a new house! The street is very quiet and the house is in a culdesac, plus next door is a flag lot with a Very long driveway so I am excited about children of all ages having a place to ride bikes etc!

Annie has been leaking out of her diaper every day this week, twice the diaper has burst and when I open her onesie there are little pee filled beads that come busting out all over the place! Today I was forced to buy overnight diapers so that I might not have that problem anymore. And no I do not want a lecture from any of you readers on cloth diapers and how they never leak! :o)