This picture, although adorable, comes with so much feeling for me. Feelings of sanctifying growth and victory in Christ. I feel that it goes largely along with my last post so this may end up feeling like a ramble but I just want to, I need to, remember this time in my life. The success stories are helpful for me to reflect on and remember when we are struggling. He is faithful, He has been faithful, and He will continue on to be faithful. It is only when we are in His presence that we feel his faithfulness because otherwise, when we rely on ourselves or others for happiness, or strength we are disappointed and sometimes tend to ask "where are you God?" “In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).
The story behind this picture (you know, just for future me to laugh and cry at) is that I have been up for 9 hours already and its not yet noon. I woke up around 2am and sleep eluded me. When Joe came down at ten till 6 I decided to see if I could get back in bed and attempt a nap until the girls woke up which is usually anywhere between 6:30-7:30.
Just as he walked out the door a blurry eyed brunette came downstairs in her Christmas jammies asking if we could have tea and crumpets.
I pulled her onto the couch with me and kissed her little cheeks and I'm not going to lie, I started to cry. But it stopped there, I only started to. Because although it is pitch black outside, and hours earlier that I wanted her to be awake I was filled with such love for her little bitty self.
I told her that we couldn't have tea until the sun came up. But I invited her to watch a movie in my bed while I took a little nap. Now I am not sure if I napped or not, it was one of those sort of mornings. But when we finally got up at 7:15 I went downstairs, got the cinnamon rolls out of the fridge that I had prepared the night before after an experimental batch of yeast rolls. I went to the basement to find the child size Christmas tea set. Did I do it with an overflowing heart? No. Did I call off the planned tea and crumpets for the couch and t.v? No. Because I have found that when I choose purposeful living not only do I feel better but my home runs better, calmer, nicer. I did have some short tempered moments and within 10 minutes the girls had short tempered moments also. So I regrouped. I chose joy, laundry, time with Jesus and a game with my 3 year old.
I so much appreciate all the Lord has taught me the past 5 years about parenting and selflessness and when I see new moms I can't wait for them to experience the growth that I have and to truly enjoy being able to spend time with these crazy little sinners. Because there are dark times, dark years, dark moments, tired moments, happy moments, successful moments and confusing moments and they all add up to growth.
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