Hello blog world. I have been thinking about something that I decided to ask you all about. I think about this often and today as I was praying and looking at my life (activities of daily living that is) I wondered if my life was as God honoring as it could be. There is an area of my life that I feel guilty about and I am not sure if I should. Don't get anxious I am not about to reveal a dirty secret or anything :o)
I am not a good friend. Ever since I was a little girl I have never been a good friend. I have matured (praise God) past being the know it all always trying to one-up my best friend Laura when I was 5-10.
Then I moved on the Abbie who I was so totally enamored by that I simply followed in her footsteps and everything she said was cool I automatically thought so also. During this time I was also friends with a girl named Angela who wasn't a christian and I am to this day sorry my mom let me spend so much time at her house. It must have been a stage because I was enamored with Angelas life as well however the difference being that I truly felt sorry for her having to live it. I think I liked being Angelas friend because her parents were in love with me and constantly sang my praises which eventually got old and I stopped being friends with her. I guess I got bored with Abbie (sorry Ab) and moved on to Christina.
Tina made the biggest impact on my life that any one person ever has. I am who I am today because of my friendship with Tina. T is why I think that down deep somewhere in me there is a friend willing to give time and tears, work and laughter, and girlfriend silliness. Tina moved to Ky when we were 13 and we became immediately inseparable. She was my one true girlfriend. More importantly we grew in Christ together. She taught me what it was like to exercise your faith and not just live your parents faith. We were active in youth group and were considered "influential leaders" planning and making youth events as fun and God honoring as they could be. I felt like I had a desire for a relationship with Christ that I had never had before and wanted to share that excitement with others. We served at Grace together teaching and working nursery as well as greeting and making youth feel welcome. When I went to Calvary halfway through my Jr year Tina and I drifted apart as we simply became different people. At Calvary I enjoyed being around fellow Christians and I participated in bible studies and quickly made a lot of friends however no real deep or lasting relationships (with the exception of my husband of course).
Through college I was active in the singles ministry but mostly because it was fun. I have always enjoyed my christian life and planning praise and worship events on friday nights was my idea of a good time. During this time I did a lot of 'hanging out' but didn't invest in peoples lives at all and did not open up mine to anyone (again with the exception of my husband).
To this day I don't have any girlfriends. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sisters dearly and if there was anyone who I could say I have desired to spend time with or invest in, it would be them. However other than that there is no one I talk to. I don't call anyone during the day to check in or make plans with to shop or have coffee. I have done these things before and had fun however its not something that comes naturally to me.
So here is my question, this is what I feel guilty about. Should I be investing more of my time in girlfriends? I am not talking about taking away from my family. My husband and child will always come first when it comes to my time. There are so many women that I think I would enjoy getting to know but I haven't. Am I being selfish? When i was in women's bible study at Grace I felt like such a participator! It was so new for me! Ann was talking about coming alongside people and getting in the trenches with them and helping them through hard times or struggles. I realized that I don't do this but its probably because I don't know anyone! :o)
Even with blogging I have a fake relationship with about 10 women who half of them i would simply call acquaintances that I share my stories with and read about theirs however these are the stories that I guess I should be sharing over coffee :o)
My mom sat down with me when I was younger and expressed her concern in my friend history. I felt like a friend bulimic I would binge on one friend and then purge and that was the end of the friendship forever! I am sorry to say mom but I dont remember what the point of this heart to heart was, but ever since we had it I have felt my girlfriend inadequacies.
Forget-Me-Not Thoughts
1 month ago
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5 comments:
Okay, well, His Word only commands us to love. You can definitely love without having a lasting friendship with someone. This being said, I think it is beneficial to have that confidante, even if it is only one, of the same sex. There is nothing like talking to a girlfriend and she knows exactly what you mean before you can even explain it. Oh, the joys of being a woman. :) But also, I do think you are very blessed that you have your sisters; and there is nothing wrong with them being your girlfriends, especially since you all are so close. I just know that I'm blessed to have Lauren as my Pam--and I'd venture to say I'm her Peg. There is nothing like it, really. Not to say at all that it takes the place of my marriage and communication with Dave. It's just different and it's good. Hope this helps you a bit. I'm so glad you were humble enough to post this little ditty. You make me smile Kate.
P.S. I was tempted to say this from the get go, so I might as well: Maybe you can't keep friends because you tell them their names represent the "black" side of them. Kidding though, really... LOVE YOU!
i've always said "i don't relate well to women." i've had one close girlfriend at a time in my life. i like women, but don't feel a real need to build deep, lasting relationships with them. is it bad? i don't think so. i just think its different.
hmmm I have to think on this one. lots of thoughts floating around and not enough time to get them out. well talk. love you.
Ok, this post made me laugh.... simply because I can't imagine why you thought I was cool (even for a brief moment). I was not cool at all!!!
Seriously, I think it is natural to have friends that meet your needs in the season of your life. Friendships end, either intentionally or naturally, and I think that is ok.
In my experience God has taught me things through my girlfriends that may have taken me years to learn otherwise. He uses those relationships to meet needs I didn't know I had. I don't expect all friendships to last, but I have a few that I pray will last through all my seasons.
Hope that makes sense... it is late and I need sleep rather than play online.
We live close to each other, so call if you want to go get coffee:)
Hmmm. This certainly struck something in me, but I'm not even sure what to say.
Friendship doesn't come naturally to me, either. When I was younger, I thought that I'd be perfectly content to live as a hermit in the woods. My dream life was sort of Thoreau with a husband and lots of little ones added in. You know those Myers Briggs personality tests? I always scored (and still do) on the extreme introvert side. I always had one close girlfriend, and only one of those has really stuck around - she's a lifer.
My mom was very much like this, too. She never had girlfriends. Just acquaintances. Passing, shallow friendships. I never thought it was a huge deal. Though sometimes I felt smothered because I was her only girlfriend. Then, when she died, my whole mindset changed. People showed up to her funeral. But I looked around and realized that not one person had been there for her, in any real way, besides her husband (I had already moved here and had just gotten married). She died alone in a hotel room and she hadn't had one person to call and lean on.
I'm not trying to guilt you into forcing friendships. Just saying .. this changed my whole mindset on friendships.
I also watched what happened when Ben's dad died. Friends - true, godly, loving friends - got right in those trenches that you speak of with Donna and loved her and cleaned her house and brought her meals and sat silently with her while she cried and, when it was time, nudged her out into the real world again. Those people were there then, and they're still friends with her now. Sometimes there are ebbs and flows, but those friendships are so true. And Donna had that because she and Dave invested in friendships. You know? Because they had been that friend to others when they needed it.
So anyway. I don't mean to say that we should be friends to others just so that we will have a friend when we need one. But it's a good starting place. It's honestly what made me care at all.
And then I started enjoying it. I still don't have a girlfriend that I call up every day (um ... hello? I can't even find the phone or hear anyone on the other end when I do). I think this phase in life (being a mom with young kids) is sort of a challenging one to nurture one-on-one friendships in. So .. I bring my kids along. Or my husband. We have family-friends. It's not just me and another woman over coffee (though that sounds lovely). It's play group or meeting at the park or "bring your family for dinner".
Anyway. I'm sorry this is sooooo long. It has been good getting to know you here, in blog-land, even though it's very surface-y.
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