Sadness

Today I have decided to quit trying to find something to make for dinner in this house full of staples but nothing to go with them. I have been eating odd concoctions for lunch in the name of cleaning out the pantry and I just don't feel like doing that any more! I am in a "nothing sounds good" mood again. This pregnancy has been FULL of that mood and its annoying at times, especially when you have an "I don't care what we have for dinner" kind of husband! I am usually the decision maker for his entire side of the family and I have had to relinquish that role in the past few months.

As I laid here on the couch resting while my baby took a nap and watching Julie and Julia I suddenly realized something that made me very sad. I will never cook an amazing meal in my wonderful kitchen ever again!!! It makes me tear up again as I sit here and type to you. I am grateful you are an understanding bunch of dear ones.

I pushed the thought out of my head as I tried to come up with something inexpensive that my husband and I could get for dinner and watching my (good so far) movie.

A while later Annie awoke from a nap and while she was sitting on the counter enjoying a snack of cantaloupe I was loading the dishwasher and I sadly started crying as the thought came creeping back into my mind! I LOVE my kitchen, it is one of the very best parts of this house. I love the brightness from the big windows and the color of the walls and the few decorations that I have in it. I love the shiny black appliances especially my double oven and gas stove that I worked so hard to pay for when we moved in. I love my island that the contractor said would not fit however we insisted and have never regretted it. I love the ridiculous amount of cabinet space that I have yet in 4 years to fill to capacity and the HUGE pantry that my husband built all my wonderful shelves in. I love the way it looks at night when it is all clean with the under cabinet lights that my husband surprised me by installing shining down on the counter tops that I picked out myself!

With that my thoughts turned to all that we have invested in this house just to make it "home" some necessary some just to make it "ours". The landscaping outside with the big flowerbeds and MY hydrangea bushes that have faithfully bloomed and grown amazingly year after year. The money that we have put into things that someone else will be enjoying and not even knowing what we went through to make it the beautiful home that they are adopting!

Right now my thoughts are consumed with all that needs to be updated in the new house that it has lost its exciting new appeal :o( I cant wait until we start painting and the new carpet gets installed! I am certain that a fresh coat of paint and the carpet not smelling like someone is trying to drown the smell of cat pee in a gross disgusting air freshener will make the house start to feel shiny and wonderful. I am trying to focus on the fact that I will not have to live in the city, I will have a yard to play in with my baby and be in a neighborhood that (Lord willing) my neighbors will not rob me blind or write nasty graffiti words on neighbors garages. Something tells me that I will not see the words "In da hood B****!" scrawled across anything in Cold Spring and the thought excites me to no end seeing as its a favorite saying of someone around here and has frequented many the walls in the neighborhood.

Don't get me wrong there are many wonderful things that I am looking forward to about the new house. However I enjoy making a house a home and this takes money of which will be allotted to very specific non-fun things like a new dryer :o(

So as I pack up every last possession in my home this weekend and proceed to live out of a suitcase for the next 3 weeks I would appreciate you thinking of me when you cook in your lovely kitchens and just enjoy it a little extra for me!