How God Put The Homeless in My Backyard

I had to share this story and it was too cool and too many words to make it a FB post.
Last week I stepped out of my FB comfort zone of posting cute and funny things about my kids and confessed my sinful pride & judgmental thoughts against homeless people. I did it hoping that my brothers and sisters would help me foster a more loving attitude and they did! There were personal stories, helpful tips, people who felt the same way I did, good stories, bad stories, information from professionals in the field as well as Gods servants who have gone before me and loved on the homeless.
One of the problems I had was that I figured that all homeless people are druggies looking for a handout to buy more drugs and how would I be helping them? But I was encouraged to hear that it is better in the Lords name to be gracious when asked than be stingy and that was what rang true with me the most! What a simple answer, "be prepared to give & let God take care of the rest".
I read the book Under the Overpass as recommended, and the only one my library had, and was inspired by the author to simply treat the homeless as people and not to look the other way or ignore them when you walk by. Making eye contact and saying hello matters even if you don't feed or clothe them. I was surprised to find that he sums the book up by saying he wouldn't just hand a homeless person $ because it might not help their problems, but to offer them a meal or something they need right then and also offer them hope.

So taking this new information I have I was ready to be open to opportunity...

This morning I got up early and went to pick up my 40# of chicken from Zaycon (use "Katie Zuerner" as your referral code please :o)
Then stopped by Once Upon a Child to inquire about selling them some baby items. I normally give to Goodwill and write it off but I wondered if this would be more profitable for ME. They offered me $10 for a few items and I figured a quick ten bucks would be nice so we made a deal. I never have cash on me and it burns a serious hole in my pocket. Especially money that my husband doesn't know about, I can blow that on a couple of Chai Lattes no questions asked (not that he really cares)!
I came home and there was a knock on my door. Two guys that I had seen out walking in our neighborhood were on my doorstep. They introduced themselves as recovered drug addicts now living at and working for a ministry downtown called Cincinnati Rescue Church. They were in my neighborhood trying to raise awareness and $ for the ministry. That's great! I said ALL the right things like "God bless you" and "Amen" and asked politely about the whereabouts of their church/recovery program and such and then they said "would you like to donate?" I said... are you ready for this? "Not right now thanks!' and shut the door... wait...give it a minute ...I'm a little slow...

There it is!! DUH! Drug addicts & a 9 month live in drug rehab in the name of JESUS! I don't have to give them $$ once they have hit the bottom and are homeless. I could help them out before they get to that point! Or maybe they are to that point and are ready for change and have walked their homeless butts to the mission! Who Cares? That $10 in my wallet was singing the hallelujah chorus from inside my purse on the counter!
I grabbed it and ran to the sidewalk looking up and down the street for the guys. The were nowhere to be seen. Darn! Missed opportunity! I checked the mail so if any neighbors were looking out their windows they wouldn't think I was crazy because what people think matters :o/ and walked back into the house dejected.
I went to the kitchen to make some lunch and I spotted out my back door the men walking up the driveway that goes to the house behind mine! God Put Two of His servants in MY BACKYARD!!!
I about died! I ran out the back door and handed them the $10 and told them how it came to me and that it was all I had for now and with a very sincere "God Bless" and a heartfelt "no thank you" for the tootsie-roll pop they offered me in exchange (for the love of the amount of candy in this house!)

So there you have it. God is bigger than my excuse of "they are all druggies" and "I am a woman not wanting to danger my children by interacting with the homeless"

Time

Its been a year? It doesn't feel like its been a year since I last posted... time is a funny thing. I have decided to just rest in the fact that time was part of His creation. He designed the length of the day and the span of the year. He chose how quickly we would age and how forgetful are our brains :o)
Lately with two now in school I look back and I can't remember all that I thought I would be able to. Its fuzzy, the memories are there but SO many things happened in those long days that I thought would never end and yet here I am years later not being able to remember what exactly I tried to seer in my memory. I also laugh when I think of how young they seriously still are. I mean my oldest is only Seven for heavens sake!
But the epic days and the long nights are all just a blur, things that I do remember is the feeling of a sleeping baby on my chest and the frustration of one who won't nap when its all you as the mother want to do. I remember looking at their tiny little faces talking like they are so old and yet they are so tiny and I still get to do that because they are still so tiny and I love to remember that. I love to treat them like they are tiny people and love on them because I am their mother and that is what I always get to do even when they are 30 because I will be 60 so they will still be babies then :o)
I remember reading to them the same book so often they memorize it and hearing their first words, I remember their funny sayings at the dinner table when Joe and I smile at each other over their heads or stifle a laugh into our napkins. I may not remember the exact funny words but I remember the feeling of looking at him thinking how much fun it is to be at the table. I also remember saying "sit down, eat your dinner, no singing, why are you crying, please eat your dinner, take smaller bites or for the love of JESUS take bigger bites we are going to be here for years!" :o)
I remember talking with them about God and sharing with them that He loves them. In the car last week Brady told Carly she didn't love Jesus because she was a liar. He had asked her if she was smarter that God and her 3 year old reply was "yes" so He told her he Knew she didn't love Jesus because she was lying. She told him She did love Jesus and she wasn't lying she just didn't know that God was smarter :o) I told them that Jesus does not like it when we lie but one lie doesn't make us a heathen, there is grace and God loves to give it to sinners ;o)

I am sad that I haven't kept up with the storytelling on here, however I do have photo albums and I don't have many of those from my blogging years so I guess there is a season for everything.

lately...with no pictures because I cant find the camera cable...

I feel sneaky, like I'm somewhere I shouldn't be doing something I shouldn't. This is what I used to do... write on my blog. This is the old me, the current me doesn't have time for blogging, or Good Morning America or anything on TV for that matter because I go, go, go all day and then go to bed at 8:00.
But I am sad that I don't come here as often and share what has been on my mind and document the little years for future old me. So here are a few random thoughts and a few funny tid bits from life.

Annie finishes up week 6 tomorrow of Kindergarten. This week she has yelled at me that I "Don't know what I am talking about", cried tears because she can't wear what everyone else wears at school (I'm sorry isn't this what uniforms are supposed to avoid?) and let go of my hand upon passing the threshold, ran up to her little girlfriends (who, btw are both named "Emma") and never looked back for so much as a "see ya!". I love that she is where she is, I love that we have the means to send her, I love that she is in a Christian environment and that I don't have to be the one to teach her how to diagram a sentence... but I have never been a bigger fan of homeschooling than I have become as I take my baby to school each day :o) I am sure you know what I mean by that. I don't get to dictate how our days go anymore, I don't get to take them to the zoo (not that I have the brain power to do that anyway these days) I don't mind that I am not the one teaching her new concepts, but I wish I could sit in the back of the room and watch ;o)
She has learned a new song to sing for grandparents day "I Surely Shine" which also says "I'll gladly glow for Him" Which she thought was "I'll gladly globe" and listening to her try to pronounce the word Illuminate is the. best!
She has already taught me the definition of a rectangular prism, and I wonder if she will ever be able to properly finish a pattern. She has declared that she will never get any tally's and so far she has held to her promise.

Amelia and I have started working on the Get Ready for the Code preschool books that I did previously with Annie and she is surprisingly good at it. I think she has picked up on a little bit from Annie but she is doing well with her penmanship, I think better than Annie did at her age (not that I compare) She and Carly play well together while Annie is away and she really enjoys getting to dictate what they play. She is trying my patience with melting down, crying and kicking whenever I tell her "no" and I have been holding her accountable till I'm dizzy in the head which makes for a long, long day. However I love to see her sing and dance and try to big sister Alice. Alice pretty much can't stand for any of them to touch her but especially Mia because she's always bouncing her around like a rag doll.

Carly Jayne is the best, most adorable funniest little mushroom head ever and she is going to be the death of me! Right now everyone agrees she somewhat resembles a basset hound and its glorious! She is constantly into something and making messes. Her favorite is to put on the girls clothes so I am always putting their clothes back into their drawers guessing whether they are clean or not. The other day I went to change her diaper and found a pair of Mia's underwear on over her pantaloons. Her vocabulary is over the top and I wish I could capture conversations with her all day long. None of it is overly funny its just funny coming out of such a tiny mouth with her tiny little teeth and her tiny little voice. Its a good thing I love her so much. Our favorite Carly word and just about the only one she mispronounces is "Frek-tis" - Breakfast.

Alice is our little chub. Annie was trying to teach Mia one day about same vs different, the following conversation happened over lunch:
Annie: Mia you are different because you have dark skin
Me: Annie you are different because you have blonde hair
Mia: Alice is different because she has the chub!
girlfriend is in the 45% which is bigger than any baby I have ever had and she's perfectly average :o)
She just cut her bottom two teeth at 6mo and she still has virtually no hair. She babbles and fake coughs and can sit herself up now which is great since I forgot to even work with her on it she just went and did it herself. She can get around but you can't actually call it crawling quite yet but she is close, right now she does some sort of army crawl by getting up on her hands and lunging forward.
She is a mama's girl whenever she is even slightly tired or hungry but sometimes if I can hide from her she will remain happy. She plays by herself well but if there is a sister in her business she gets MAD. I don't blame her.

Where I am at

A two parter, stay with me here, this is just how my brain works.

Part I
Yesterday I took the plunge and actually moved Carly into Annie & Mia's room. A Big Deal. Joe set up a crib in there 4-5 months ago in preparation for Alice coming and needing to switch and he even attempted to move her in there once. But I wasn't ready, and she wasn't ready, and the girls weren't ready and it didn't go well and since then Alice has been in the bassinet and Carly is in the nursery with all of Alice's stuff.
Yesterday I was ready. Mostly because I need to get Alice out of our room. She does this thing where she partially wakes & wakes me up. And then I think shes up enough to eat even though she only does this 3 nights a week so I feed her and shes not really awake so she only eats a little and then my day is spent regulating supply that got started at 2am instead of 4am like the other 4 days a week and my body and I can't decide what is normal or right and its really annoying when a good solution might be to just move her to the nursery where I wont hear her and she will fall back asleep and we all live in rhythm (haha!)
Joe put Carly to bed while I read to the girls on the couch where Mia subsequently fell asleep and the day ended on a fairly good note. She did not wake up during the night and scream for her father like she will randomly do (which is one of the thousands of reasons I was hesitant to move her) and this morning I woke up to she and Annie in my room at 6:15. Not ideal but I went with it. Annie says Carly woke her up because she was sucking her paci too loud which is something I foresee Annie possibly getting used to. What I don't know is how she got out... I think Annie got her out of bed but the verdict on Annie's honesty this morning is still out :o)

Which leads me to part II

Once up at 6:15 it was a gloriously sunny and cool morning and I came through a new baby fog as I remembered how much I love morning! I have been caught in this spider web of interrupted sleep and around the clock feedings and grabbing z's wherever possible and older girls who can be sent away with a mumble of "eat a granola bar and watch a movie" to catch 30 (and sometimes 60) more minutes of sleep!
I love morning! I love the air, I love the sky (I love the sky at all hours of the day) I love the stillness, I love the newness, I love the dew (as long as I don't have to walk in it). I don't love parenting and doing things for others but I decided I need to get over that already. I can instill in my girls the love of morning too! Since they CLEARLY are early risers, I can teach them the loveliness and sacredness of the hour! At least Annie and Mia, Carly still acts two no matter the sacredness of the hour. So I decided for the first time ever to stop being Just mom and start being ME mom and for once do something that you love just because you love it!
So I made eggs and handed out muffins and opened the back door and sat at the table and enjoyed the morning Mama Kate style. With every chair pulled out haphazardly (which I hate and would never be if I didn't have oxen living with me Prov 14:4) and crumbs on the crooked tablecloth (ugh! Drives me crazy!) and their coloring books stacked 16in high with baskets of crayons and pencils strewn about on my sideboard (which I long to decorate) And I read my bible and an article on Thanksgiving vs Greed and His providing all that we NEED and I was convicted to keep up the mindset of my purposeful day. Doing what needs to be done and doing it well to achieve the goals that I have for what HE has given me!

Reality is: I can't do whatever I want, whenever I want. There are butts to wipe and babies to rock and laundry to fold and floors to be scrubbed. However, I don't have to be ruled by those things ALWAYS. Yes some things I am ruled by, a dirty butt waits for no man. However I can choose to have the dishes done and table cleaned off before I go to sleep and therefore wake up to an already clean kitchen and enjoy well cooked eggs on a sunny morning. And I prefer farm fresh eggs, so go get em! And I prefer expensive orange juice or lemon in my water. So Buy It! And it calms me and therefor the girls are calm (proverbs 15:1) And I don't need everything the world tells me I need, but life is nice when you are able to express yourself and your personality. Is it necessary? No! (2 Peter 1:3) but it feels good and he wants us to be happy (Ecc 3:13) and I starting thinking about little things that that make me happy that I could be doing, that I want to do as soon as possible or that I want to save up for. Some of them I don't do because they fall off the priority list. Some things I don't do because of my season of life but some things I just don't prioritize and I would like to!

Here are just a few things that I came up with.

Attend estate sales & Auctions just to people watch and treasure hunt
Decorate my house
Get a massage
Bake bread
Pick berries
Meander the farmers market every Saturday morning.
Take a walk
Learn to Embroider
Schedule Date Nights (we are good at date nights but we tend to scramble to find last min babysitters and just wing it and its fun but there are things I want to do that require planning)
Schedule a family photo session
Schedule Girl Time with Best Friend or sisters
Take weekend trips

And now as I type this I plan on adding to this list as I dream :o)

Lately (an update, With Pictures!)

We all know that this blog is for my own reminiscent purposes, however that makes me NEED to find out how to back it up because I have 6 years worth of memories on here and oh. my. word if something happens I would be so very sad.
So anyway I just feel the need to be all bloggy because my kids are infuriating and sanctifying and adorable :o)
I seriously love each of their stages right now.
Annie is such a big girl. She gets so easily upset and frustrated because she is getting big enough to do things and therefore its a new type of parenting season for us and we are just learning as we go with the poor girl. She gets asked to do so many helpful things around the house but sometimes she stretches it too far and tries to spank her sisters or pour a glass of milk and that just ends poorly.
We are all mentally ready for kindergarten we just need to do some physical shopping because we don't have a single uniform shirt or anything yet. The spirit shop opens up on the 10th and they have a second hand section that I am excited to buy from!

Annie seeing newborn poop "Wow, I can't believe our baby poops gold!"

Annie after an early spring snow "mom, this snow must be from Satan because God knows its supposed to be spring!"

Overheard: Mia "when will we go to heaven?" Annie "not till we are ten nine eight seven like grandma glenn"

Mia has changed so much recently, I feel like 3-4 was a big jump for her. She is becoming a big girl and I dare say she is going to be TROUBLE! I just shake my head and say a prayer when I see her get all dressed up in fancy dress up clothes and heels or when I catch her standing in front of the mirror tossing her hair and dancing, girls got moves and she wants to have a good time and I foresee her wanting to sneak into dance clubs in the future :o)  She is so smart and I just know that when Annie goes to school and I start working on preschool with her she is going to just explode from all the new stuff she will learn. She has a different style of learning though and so that will be tough for me not to expect Annie style from her. But I am so excited!

Carly is a punkin headed crack up! She is sooo sneaky and gets into little trouble all day long. She is constantly sneaking things and doing things that she shouldn't, however has yet to cause any major catastrophes. except the day she woke up while I was out voting and Joe was home. Instead of coming out of her room like she normally does she took her clothes off and pooped on the floor and then just played in her room therefore tracking poo all over the carpet. BLECH! however my wonderful father in law has some miracle carpet cleaning concoction that he makes with ammonia and fabric softener and water and who knows what else that is amazing and it cleaned everything up perfectly! She is ALWAYS dressing up in random clothes she finds lying around the house. Today it was her baithing suit over top of her dress. Last week she was wearing premie pants as shorts!
She talks non stop and says big words and full sentences. some of my favorites have been:
At the pediatrician "um my sis-er wants no shots"
Coming downstairs in Mias shoes "Mom, you wike my fip-fops?" Oh yes I love them "sanks, mom, sanks you wike 'em"
Anytime she is doing something shes not supposed to she says "I not mama, I not"
Trying to touch the bathwater during Carly's bath "No! No you 'pank my butt mama, dat hurt"

Alice is still in the wonderful tiny baby stage where she sleeps all the time but also sleeps 8ish hours most nights. Its glorious because it makes a HUGE difference during the day when you get woken up a million times at night. She started laughing last week at 3 1/2 months old and although she has been doing it more and more throughout the week we can't figure out how to make her laugh it just sort of erupts and its adorable. She's so soft and snuggy and chubby its wonderful.

However all together they are quite overwhelming at this point in time. They are all just so very little and can't do things for themselves which makes for some very long days and very difficult hours. However they are good girls and play well together and most every day I do get a few hours where they are all napping/resting/quietly playing and I get a breather and rest if I need it as well.
But it feels as though they gang up on me and they all have legitimate needs. So I just take a deep breath, choose patience (because it is NOT a natural occurring thing) and help them all one at a time and it is working for us.

Your update in pictures during May/June

 At the Krohn Butterfly Show Carly was the only one who cared, the other two were afraid of the butterflies and Mia asked if they had "claws on their paws that they can scratch you with"

 Made it to the zoo again, this time with Sam!

 

 Krissy had Ruth Kathryn on mothers day. It was also the day before I went back to work after maternity leave so I got to go up and visit twice during my shift :o)

 We dedicated Alice Grace and will strive to parent her in Christ 

 

 Made a weekend trip so Alice could meet Great Grandpa Neal

 

 I thought I was dressing her in one of my outfits from when I was a baby... however Mom says she doesn't remember it so who knows if it was mine or where it came from but it sure is cute!

 

 This is what our days look like around here

 Memorial day picnic

 

 Happy Girl!

 

 Thursday Night Small Group Volleyball

 

 Carly turned 2

 

 Mia turned 4

 

 Fathers day with The Man!

 

 Great Grandma Glenn with grandbabies #24 & 25 (with three more on the way from Kelly, Matthew and Seth)

Gram took ALL these kids to VBS at Calvary this year, they loved it! 

#1 Question

"Are you people serious with this?"

 

"How are you?" "How are you recovering"? "What is it like with 4"? All said with a good natured chuckle, a look of fright, or a wince. The wince is from other soon to be moms of 4 :o)
The answer is quite convoluted and I have been trying to be honest with people in as few words as possible because no one is looking for a full update on my physical and mental health. However because I have been asked this question a million times in the past month I feel I should expound upon my answer a little.
Comedian Jim Gaffigan says "If you want to know what its like to have 4 kids just imagine you're drowning... and then someone hands you a baby" Which I thought was very funny when I heard it a year ago and now I think its very, very wise (however Dude went on to have a 5th and we all know that since he has now drowned that explains why kid #5 and on basically raise themselves or are raised by older siblings ;o)
This 4 kids stuff is not for the faint of heart, its hard, its time consuming its mentally exhausting, and all of mine are healthy (for now)! What do mothers with sick or special needs kids do?? Have LOTS of help that's what!
We first got our taste of life with 4 Saturday when we got home from the hospital and that very evening 2 of the 4 woke up puking in their beds! I will. never. forget. the lost and confused feeling of hearing Joe say "she's throwing up!" twice within 5 minutes of each other! I just sat on the bathroom floor washing puke out of hair while holding a 48 hour old baby whom I do not know yet so I have NO idea what she wants/needs at the moment and trying to cry all my scared and self pity tears out before Joe can get back upstairs from washing sheets so he doesn't see his wimp ass team mate breaking down! :o)
Joe sprouted wings and a cape while he was in the laundry room because he came back and saved the year! He took puking babies to hunker down for the next 48 hours of pukes and tears of illness while I was quarantined to my bedroom with the baby so neither of us got it. It was So Hard hearing him struggle with sick babies and 2 puking at once and washing sheets and entertaining them in a 12x12 foot area so the rest of the house stayed less infected. I couldn't show my face or they would cry for me and eventually I just had to turn the fan on and drown them out and take a nap because I have had about 2 hours of sleep in 4 days and I just had a baby and that's just not good!

Today is week 5 and just yesterday I noticed that I am finally feeling somewhat normal physically. That is a ridiculously long recovery time! I just had so much more delivery related aches and pains than I've ever had before. I'm not sure if its because of  4 babies in 5 years or the c/section scar tissue or if I had some sort of issue going on that has resolved. Unfortunately now I think its my job to feel all the way normal because I simply have no endurance from laying around for the past 8+ weeks and the extra 20lbs doesn't help!

So now for a look into life here with 4. This is my full time job, mother to 4, wife to 1 a few short hours a week I also do some Childrens Ministry work for church at the same time I am doing my full time Mommy job, but I am compensated for it and I like the way it keeps me connected to a calling outside our four walls. Also in a few weeks I will spend 8 glorious hours outside these 4 walls taking care of pregnant women which I have decided I am now over qualified for considering I am now an expert on all things birthing and babies. If it weren't for permanent placenta brain I might go around saying that more often, however I can no longer remember my name or why or when a patient might get antibiotics or the way around an O.R so there is still plenty in life to keep me humble ;o)

This place is like a work environment nightmare. Not only am I in charge of keeping everything running but I am the one who is supposed to do the running also! Then there are these people I have to put up with. Right now I have the "seemingly helpful but overzealous brown noser" following me around all day repeating what I say to the others. Asking me 100 times a day if she can help do things she is less than qualified for or even able to do. Yes, I would love for you to cook dinner however you are 5 and I do remember something about proper delegation from nursing school. Since the job of "poopy diaper tosser" is already taken by the 2 year old we are going to have to get creative in your role around here! Its probably going to involve something where you follow me around all day and talk my ear off... is that a position?
I also have the "lay low and you wont get caught and asked to do something" one. Who is also the professional mess maker and liar extraordinaire! However she is also the comic relief so she has that going for her. If she weren't so darn difficult to reason with I'd promote her but for now she is simply known as the "geyser" for all her drama filled emotional break downs and constant runny nose. Today in the car she cried all the way home because her paper cut on her "fien-der got one bleed".... no further comment necessary. These two despite their difficulties are somewhat self reliant and require less from me than the other two as long as I am willing to clean up after them while they do whatever craft/play/food mess they do while I am otherwise occupied.

The pumpkin headed one keeps me on my toes, she still requires full help unless you like your dirty diapers in the hamper and your clothes in the trash, or your toothbrush dipped in the toilet and then left in the diaper pail! She runs around after the other two trying to do what they do and just spoiling all the fun, unless its a dance party then she is the belle of the ball and can do the cha cha slide with the best of  'em! Heavenly blessings for me she is a good sleeper and I don't see her between the hours of 8pm-8am or from 1pm-3pm, sister likes her bed as long as there is a blankie and a paci!

The baby is a good friend, her current role as my official nap buddy might be the reason I still have 20lb to loose and if she weren't so darn snuggly I might put her down and lift a weight or even a finger but as life has it I am not willing to because she is already looking 12 years old so I think ill hang on to her as ridiculously long as every mother clings to her baby and spoil her until I die :o)

I am blessed with good girls but have yet to find my groove with all four of them and mostly I feel down right ganged up on! I also feel a little bit trapped right now because I have the desire to go out of this house after that magically beautiful but long and confining winter but the thought of going anywhere and trying to wrangle Carly and manage Allie and not just scream at the older two for very small offenses simply because my stress level is escalated seems terrible and awful and I'm not willing to try it quite yet. I have just managed to make it out into the yard with them last week! I have now made 2 trips to Sams because their carts are magically enormous and they give free cookies and I can make it there and back in less than 2 hours. I also managed 1 trip to Target which resulted in screaming baby and a blow out diaper change in the ladies dressing room but overall it wasn't horrible, just not overly enjoyable either.

With all that said I am so happy with my little collection of ladies and wouldn't have it any other way and I am blessed with plenty of family around to help me out with them when I need it which they have done wonderfully! We have even managed to still have 2 date nights since she has been born which shows you how well things are going even if my brain hasn't computed it yet.

I think they've got it under control, Ill go take a nap

Alice Grace

Ohh the birth story. Everyone's most anticipated blog post of the formerly pregnant blogger :o)

Allow me to set the stage...
36 weeks pregnant I mentally exhausted myself wondering when I would go into labor.
37 weeks pregnant (and mentally exhausted) I laid around waiting to go into labor.
38 weeks stinkin still pregnant and I started calling all of my friends to make plans because I couldn't take thinking about it any more and I needed distraction. Playdate, Zoo trip, OB appointment, errand running followed by bible study was my week leading up to baby debut...

Funny fact: when I was pregnant with Carly I drank Dr Pepper Ten one day (a lot of it) and I contracted all day. I don't know if it was related but decided that drinking any more probably was not a wise choice.
I got a little curious if the same thing would happen again and might have purchased the Dr Pepper Ten at Target that day. And I might have gone into labor that night. Now I am not saying that Dr Pepper Ten induces labor... but I thought it was quite a funny coincidence!

Thursday I made a lovely roast for dinner, I felt a few contractions during dinner (6:00) but they were not painful and hardly noticeable. 6:45 Dave and Meg show up for Small Group and Meg and I talk about how I have been scheduled for an induction for the following Thursday morning because the MD's don't want me to try to VBAC after my due date. I admitted to Meg that I was feeling a few non painful contractions but I seriously didn't think any more of it.

Early Labor, last pregnancy picture EVER! ;o)

However they got stronger and by the time we finished praise and worship around 8:00 I thought I could probably time them. So I put Carly to bed and timed few 3-5 min apart! I joined the ladies (as they guys had gone for separate discussion) and after a few more I informed the gals that I indeed thought I was in labor! They were all so excited (mostly Meg and Lauren who tried to convince me to just let them deliver her for me here at home :o)
I was going to sit join the discussion however the men decided that they would prefer to talk about our topic along with their wives and they wanted to rejoin the group. At that point I couldn't see the boys appreciating me laboring during small group. I have the need to pace and move around during early labor anyway so I headed upstairs to pack and informed Joe that I thought I was in labor but we had lots of time and he rejoined the group. I called my mama and packed our hospital bags and the girls bag for Grams house. Everyone cleared out of Bible Study pretty quickly (after cleaning up, thank you for that by the way!) Joe sent the girls upstairs to "help me" and I informed them that it was baby time. They were excited but way more excited to find out that they got to go to a slumber party at Grams house!
Now can I just say that one thing I was looking forward to was using a handy contraction app on my phone, I don't know why I just was. So I had downloaded one weeks ago and it sat there on my phone taunting me and now I get to use it! However after 20 logged contractions it said "you must purchase the full version of this app if you want to keep using it"! LAME! I quickly downloaded another one but I was so over it by then and really didn't care how close together they were because all I knew was that they were close enough :o)
While Joe quickly deposited the girls with his mom I called Dr Schuermann who was the doc on call(yay!) and let him know I would be in sometime although I didn't know when as I knew it was still early. However as soon as Joe got back he couldn't handle not going to the hospital so we went.

10:37 In triage. I'm 3-4cm 80% effaced and -2 station. I had just been 3cm/50% the day before but I was not worried, they were a little stronger and I knew it was labor. The nurse asked me if I would want an epidural eventually and I said "uhh I don't know, maybe, we will see" As soon as she left Joe said "Whats this about the epidural?" I told him I just hated getting them and I wanted to just wait and see. Simple enough right? I was admitted which took a while and transferred to my labor room where they were still very manageable, still talking/walking through them etc.

Heres the big oops you are all waiting for... I might have forgotten to tell my loving, wonderful, no nonsense, husband that I wanted to try going natural! Here's my reasoning.

A. I thought I did tell him. I told him when I was pregnant with Carly that I wanted to try and he said "I think that's stupid but you can do whatever you want" haha. some of you ladies might take offense to that response but I know my husband well and I was not. See Joe is no nonsense. Get it done, Do it well, do it the most efficient way that makes the most sense. Anyway I ended up with a c/section and so it really didn't matter.
B. My only reason for trying it was because my labors are pretty quick and text book as far as progress and I have always gotten an Epi before I would say I "needed it" just to be safe and I have always HATED the process of getting the epi. I realize that most people don't mind the process one bit but I have serious issues with it and I did not look forward to it at all!
C. I had pictured what my natural labor would be like and if at any time I wasn't ok with how it was going I would go ahead and get the epi. I wasn't trying to be a warrior woman, I don't mind being numb. I have seen my fair share of natural labor and so I was pretty sure I knew what I would like mine to look like. I knew I wouldn't want help from anyone, I don't need a cheerleader or coach. I hate background music, I hate being wet and I had no desire for my rear end to be hanging out for hours on end. I didn't want to be overly noisy or move around much. I just wanted to be left alone and I would let someone know if I needed drugs or to push a baby out :o) If at any point it was going different than this I would get the epi. So I didn't feel that Joe needed any sort of education on how to help or assist me. I didn't need anything from him. What I failed to think about was the affect watching me be in pain would have on my lovely husband. Oops. Now that I have heard his thoughts about the whole ordeal I feel really, really super duper bad about putting him through a situation that he had no control over and no preparation for. He never would have been excited about it, but I could have at least told him what to expect and that I had no expectations from him as my helpless mate ;o)

11:45. Dr Schuermann comes in to check me and see if I wanted him to break my water. I had no objections to him breaking my water so he did. I was now 5/100/-2 Kelly arrived after this and shortly after my parents and Kara came too. I knew to expect my water breaking to speed things up and intensify the contractions and it did. After standing for a few I decided to kneel facing the back of the bed and this is where I stayed. It was such an out of body experience after watching other women go through the process it was pretty cool to "watch myself" progress. I was breathing through the contractions for a while and it was really no big deal, not anything I couldn't handle and not super painful, then my breathing changed, then I couldn't be quiet through them and I knew that I was nearing transition. This scared me just a little because I realized at this point that they were pretty intense and if I wasn't as close as I thought there was NO way I could sit for an epi at this point. My nurse (wonderful Mandy, she loves Jesus and prayed with me when I got there, that was awesome) came in and I asked her to bolus my IV bag. It just made me feel better knowing as I labored that I would have the required liter of fluids in me if I wanted an epidural. I knew that Dr Schuerman would be back to check me around 1:30 but at 1:20 I couldn't take it anymore and asked for him to come. I had always told myself that if I got to 8cm I would go natural. Sure enough I was 8 and I was feeling tired. Joe said he knew then that we were in for the long haul.
 I was sitting in the bed at this point after being checked and I liked it because I could relax in between contractions better however they felt closer together and I knew they were more intense! However I was surprised at how short they seemed. I thought they would feel never ending but the truly painful part seemed to only last 2-3 seconds and so I was still managing ok. All along as I progressed Joe was inching his way closer to my side. I really didn't need anything from him but he did keep my sheet and gown in place while I moved which I truly did appreciate and thanked him for repeatedly. During most of my labor I kept my eyes either shut or covered with my hand, and even in my blindness I could tell just by his body language and breathing that he. was. mad! I knew he was frustrated with the situation but I didn't dwell on it and by then things were happening very quickly. Dr Schuermann had the room set up for delivery and Mandy never left the room after this which I appreciated because at this point I needed to be done and get her out and if Mandy was in there then that could happen :o) I have no good recollection of time or how many contractions I had but I just remember about 3-4 contractions of "get out, get out, get out!" and wishing I had the urge to push. I remember having a contraction and just deciding to push and see what would happen and NOTHING did... until the next contraction I still don't think I had the urge to push but I told (or yelled, whatever) Mandy that I had to push. She told me not to which I think I am going to de-friend her for and I pushed anyway. Dr Schuermann was called in and then I had the bowling ball in the rear feeling that everyone talks about but for some reason I didnt associate that with an urge to push. But push I did! Dr Schurmann told Mandy to prep me and I yelled at her to "get back here and get her out!" hehehe lovely. Then I thought that Dr Schuermann was certainly for some reason prying me open to go in after her, I may have demanded that he get his hands off of me to which Joe tells me now that the doc was about a foot away from me when i said that and Dr Schuerm said oh, so, calmly "that's her head Katie, push her out" And with two pushes I did! It was not the feeling I was expecting. I had delivered her head with the first push and didn't even know it, I thought "this is going nowhere" and they said "now push her shoulders out"...

 I remember them saying she had a short cord and by the time they laid her on my chest I was in such aftershock that I couldn't even look at her. Joe tells me he felt the same way :o| I felt like I had just been through war, it was weird to try to hold and cuddle and coo... for about 5 seconds, by the time they got her turned around to face me I was over it all!
She weighed 6lb 4oz 19in long and she was tiny and cute and dark headed. She nursed right away and everyone came back in to see her. It was weird delivering in the middle of the night because there were no phone calls to make or text messages to send. There were only a few dedicated visitors there to see her right away and then its early morning and you haven't slept all night long but I couldn't fall asleep and didn't end up sleeping until the next night. When I sent her to the nursery and slept HARD until they brought her back to me to feed every few hours.

So in summary I am glad I went natural, I'm glad I had the opportunity and was able to experience it once. I do feel awful for not preparing my husband and No, I would never do it again. I didn't like the mental feeling afterwards. Although it is our plans for this to be our last I would bear the pain of the epidural in exchange for the happy more enjoyable delivery. I think that I am in the minority with those feelings because I have never heard anyone say them before. But I am ok with that, I like being a rebel :o)

Stay tuned for the story about how the night we got home from the hospital my super hero husband said to me from the girls room "they're puking!" and I spent 36hours quarantined in my room! Its a fun story...